Pieces Parts
by CaptainInappropriate
Summary: "If I didn't have sticky-beer-mouth and ass-breath I'd probably kiss you just to get you back." A wake-up call and a threat. Implied Dasey. Response to 30oneshots. R&R Please.
1. 26 Would You Rather

Answer to the 30 One Shots Challenge.

Summary: A conversation between Casey and whoever you want. I did something a little different with the dialog only... I was having fun. Dasey.  
Disclaimer: I in no way own anything affiliated with Life With Derek.

#26: Would you rather

"Casey,"

"Huh?"

"Truth or dare?"

"What...?"

"Did I stutter?"

"I don't trust you at all, so- truth."

"Would you rather tell Derek you love him, or have me do it?"

"Ex_cuse_ me??"

"Oh yeah, I went there."

"That is ridiculous."

"No, Casey, it's re-dunk-ulous. And that's not the point. This is as easy as ones and twos. It's cake. It's gravy. Black and white. Now answer."

"Answers are not just handed to questions that are so undeserving as this. You are both morbidly insane, and Captain Inappropriate."

"I am not Captain anything. You are Captain 'avoid-the-issue-at-hand', and completely intolerable, Casey. It's one question with one answer, and you owe me at least that."

"I owe you nothing. You are on my bed, in my house, and my mother just fed you. _You_ owe me a take-back of this question, and I demand it immediately."

"There are no take-backs in life and every chick flick we're ever watched together has taught you that. Even most the horror films, and all the 'tween movies say so."

"I am not going to pick, and you know it. Your futile attempts are both a waste of time and oxygen. Stop wasting my oxygen."

"Your tacky bamboo plant is more than making up for my oxygen use."

"My bamboo is not tacky. Only you and Derek say that. The rest of the world sees charm and luck."

"See, there you go. Derek is in every conversation you hold. You obsess. Every time you open your mouth, it's about Derek. I bet everything you say to Paul is Derek-tastic. _Plus_ being Concern-icus about this proves everything. Just say it out loud for me."

"This is a stupid game. You're stupid, and say stupid things... and play stupid games."

"Your overflowing love for me is astounding. But even so, you're going to answer. If for no other reason than for the simple fact that you've never said it before. So I'll repeat myself until you give me what I want. Will you do it, or shall I?"

"Please. I am_ not_ in love with Derek. I am related to him. I am his sister. I hate him. And most importantly, I hate you. Get out."

"Why, so you can water your tacky bamboo plant, or so you can worship your hidden Derek Venturi Love Shrine?"

"I have nothing related to Derek in this room."

"Yeah- except for your sappy 'I-love-Derek' google eyes."

"I dislike you _way _more than you think I do."

"That sounds like a personal problem to me... You know what? Fine. I give. If you're going to botch the truth, then pick dare."

"Ok. I change my choice to dare."

"Sweet. I dare you to answer the effing question!!"

"That is both low, and against the rules. And bonus on sucking- 'effing' is not a word."

"You are insufferable, Casey. You can't lie anyway, let alone to me. Please. Answer."

"If I can't lie, then why even ask?"

"That statement is permissible in a court of 'this topic' as a complete admission of your love for Derek."

"I object completely. I am not lying, this topic has no official court, and I do _not_ love Derek."

"Puh-lease, if this was opposite day, I'd accept that answer completely. _However_, due to the long standing dispute on which day is actually opposite day, coupled with the fact that you refuse to play along has viciously killed it. So cut the crap."

"Opposite day is Saturday, and for toddlers and liars. And don't hyphenate all your words."

"_Ska-rew_ you. And if it's for liars then it should be your National Holiday."

"I hate it when you call me a liar."

"Casey."

"What?!

"Take a beat."

"...Take what?"

"Take a moment. Stop, take a step back. It's ok."

"What's ok? For you to call me names?"

"There are no laws except for your own about this. You are not blood relatives, and it is of no fault of your own that your parents screw. Just inconvenient."

"Thanks for that, Captain Disgusting."

"I mean it, Case. He's whacko nutso over you."

"Excuse me? Say what now?"

"He is sick and disgusting, 'make everyone else gag', high school chick flick, googly eyes in love with you."

"I can't believe you're taking it this far."

"I'm not kidding. This is so 'average teen movie' that it kills me."

"You know what? I wish you could go for just one minute without using some catchy, over the top exaggeration. It's super annoying."

"Oh, like you putting 'Captain' in front of every overly obvious and inappropriate pet name isn't?"

"That's entirely different."

"I don't even care right now. You're avoiding the topic at hand and trying to distract me."

"Please. Can we drop this one? I'm super uncomfortable with this."

"Fine. I don't even care if you cheat and ignore the rules of truth or dare entirely."

"Obviously you 'don't even care', since you've said that eight hundred times in the last 10 minutes."

"Casey, don't take your frustrations of living a lie and not admitting your true feelings to yourself out on me. I am the innocent best friend and cannot handle such misguided abuse."

"Shut up. Drop it."

"...Hey."

"Yeah, Case?"

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare, you hypocritical biotch."

"You go tell Derek I'm in... Yeah. Just go tell him."


	2. 01 Sneezing

I can't really explain it

**I can't really explain it. I guess I secretly like tormenting people with hangovers.**

**Summary: **Casey torments Derek after a night of drinking. Hints of Dasey

**Disclaimer: I don't own Life With Derek. **

**--**

#1: Sneezing

_Twelve-Hour-Bed-Head_

The sneezing was killing him. He was sure of it.

Derek had heard Casey sneeze at least five times already. A visual fantasy of slapping two hefty pieces of duct tape over his stepsister's mouth and nose played through Derek's head twice before another sneeze rang out.

"Damn it," Derek muttered, quietly, his voice deep and raspy with sleep. So maybe it was four in the afternoon, did that give anyone the right to stand outside someone's door and sneeze all day?

Casey didn't, _couldn't_ have any idea that with each sneeze, Derek was pulled further and further from the safety of sleep. And with each step he took out of his dream about holographic cows, his gag reflex became more aware of the imminent threat waiting in Derek's stomach. The only remedy was to sleep through it, and Casey and her stupid nose were destroying everything.

Another sneeze, a little more gag reflex, a final groan.

"Casey, _shut up!_" Derek hollered, throwing an arm over his eyes, certain that he could go back to sleep and forget his flopping stomach.

It took only twenty, maybe thirty whole seconds before Casey barged into his room. "Since when can I not sneeze at four in the afternoon?" She bit, and Derek slowly but purposefully pulled the covers over his head. "And shouldn't you say 'bless you', not 'shut up'?"

Casey, with full knowledge that her stepbrother had been heavily drinking in the kitchen only twelve hours ago, walked into the room and sat on the bed. She smacked his leg and grinned as he gave a half-hearted kick towards her from under the comforter. "How are you feeling, sunshine?"

"Shut up, go sneeze at Emily's or something." Derek muttered, the sound partially blocked by the fabric covering his face.

"Well, I'd love to, however she's basically in the same state as you right now... on our couch."

Casey's grin blossomed as she remembered the previous night, thankful that she was completely bright and alert today. Minus the sneeze, of course. Derek had insisted on a party, George, Nora and Marty having gone to Vancouver for a long weekend fieldtrip. Casey, however, threatened to call the cops herself if he did so and the two of them agreed to have Sam, Ralph and Emily over for a movie night.

Casey saw the whole thing going south when Ralph and Sam showed up with suspicious looking duffel bags, but three very drunk boys sounded much better than a house full. Emily's eyes brightened at the mention of some drinking game or another, and the two girls wound up in the kitchen with the boys.

The five of them, perched on stools around the island, talked and laughed as they played and invented games to play along with their underage alcohol consumption. Casey had sat back, refusing to get drunk but tasted each of the mixed drinks that Sam somehow knew how to make for Emily. The boys drank beer until the volume level of their voices went up and everyone was sharing high-fives, then took a few shots.

Needless to say, no one drove home. Instead, Ralph and Sam wrestled over Derek's chair while Emily was already asleep on the couch. The struggle had ended when Sam hollered that he was going to puke and Ralph backed off. He sat down in the recliner with a blanket and a grin, leaving Ralph on the floor with a few blankets and one of Marty's stuffed animals.

"Is that really how little it takes to knock you out for an entire day?" Casey teased, not lowering her tone at all, but rather making it a little too chipper and high pitched. Derek growled and she let out a silent laugh that he couldn't see.

"That's none of your damn business." Derek answered, not caring that it wasn't the most appropriate answer for the question.

"Ah, really," Casey was totally flubbing, though, because she was completely impressed with how much alcohol had been consumed. The boys had blasted through an entire thirty pack of beer, and made quite a dent in a bottle of some kind of rum or another, not to mention the case of hard lemonade they'd helped Emily with.

"Seriously, Case, every second I'm awake, I'm considering just throwing up down your shirt." Derek threatened, managing to make his voice a little menacing. Casey sneezed again, and Derek threw off the covers to look at her. "I'm not kidding."

"I don't think you're going to throw up." Casey said, wiping her nose with her sleeve in the most lady-like manner she could muster.

Derek leaned over the edge of the bed very slowly and fished around for the bottle of water he had brought with him when the final whistle had been called and everyone passed out. He laid back down flat on his back and carefully took a long drink of water, knowing the only way to get rid of his burning headache was to make up for all the liquids he'd lost.

"You have no idea whether or not I'm going to puke." Derek himself wasn't too sure if he'd be bonding with St. John this morning, or if the disgusting ache in his stomach would pass.

"It's been twelve hours. Wouldn't you have up-chucked any left over cold pizza last night?"

He replaced the cap on his water bottle after drinking as much as he though his stomach could handle. "I don't really remember a whole lot of last night, Case." He admitted after clearing his throat.

Casey, loving the upper hand she was so easily acquiring with her still-slightly-intoxicated rival, put on an anxious face and shifted her voice to a worried tone. "Oh- so... so you don't remember that... that we-"

Derek threw his eyes wide open and flailed a bit, dropping the closed water bottle in the process before sitting up slightly to finally look at Casey. She managed to keep a nervous expression and chewed on her bottom lip slightly to keep a smile from breaking out. "What?" He shrieked, his voice reaching a pitch that signaled true panic.

Not able to stand it, Casey burst out in laughter and shook her head. "Oh man," she said, the giggles subsiding but the glee of pranking Derek not fading in the slightest. "I love this. You should get obliterated more often, this is fun."

Derek calmed, not quite realizing that through the taunting and bothering from Casey his nausea was slowly passing. "You're cruel. That's taking it way too far."

Casey kept the bright smile on her face and shook her head 'no'. Derek sat up on his elbow and pointed at her in the most menacing way possible with twelve-hour-bed-head. "If I didn't have sticky-beer-mouth and ass-breath I'd probably kiss you just to get you back."

Casey was shocked to say the least, and not entirely sure how to comprehend it, but took it in stride and answered quickly with a dry tone. "How sweet, I'm glad you're so considerate. Now I see how you get all the girls."

"Hey," Derek said, his face a little less pale, and his eyes a bit more open and bright. "I don't think I'm going to puke anymore."

Casey, not wanting to tempt him to get her back or let the conversation get any more inappropriate than it already had, sat up and put her hands on her hips proudly. "My job is done here I believe. I call 'not-it' on taking out the trash." And with that, she turned and left the room.

Derek grinned and laid back on his pillow, wondering if he should go brush his teeth and follow up on that threat he had made.

From out in the hallway, he heard another sneeze, and he grinned. "What a crazy chick." He said softly to himself and got up to slowly follow her.

BREAK

I actually have twelve-hour-bed-head right now. It's flattering, I assure you. This wasn't intentionally tied to Allergy Season, but you can take it wherever you want to. That's the beauty right?


End file.
